Why Do You Refuse to Ask for Help to Work through Personal Issues?

It’s Transformation Tuesday and we’re going to address why you adamantly, like a stubborn jackass who is settling in for an epic battle of wills, refuse to ask for help working through your personal issues.

Why would I need to ask for help?

What’s that? You don’t have any personal issues? Please hold while I turn my head so you won’t see me struggling not to laugh right out loud. I am trying NOT to offend you today.

Listen. We’ve all got some crap to work through – most of us have been collecting personal issues since the days of our youth.

The wonderful thing about life, though, is that we don’t have to carry around burdens or baggage any longer than we choose to. Did you hear that – you have a choice. You can choose to hide behind the hurt and trauma you’ve been stockpiling your whole life, either using it as an excuse to justify behavior or avoiding dealing with it and risking dysfunctional relationships and potentially dis-ease -OR- you can choose to heal it up and let it go.

Perhaps that sounds overly simplistic to you. But my question to you is – have you even tried to heal it up and let it go yet? If not, then how do you know whether it’s just that simple or not?

Exploring why it’s so difficult to ask for help

Because I’m committed to helping people deal with their personal issues,  I’ve spent quite a bit of time wondering why so many people refuse to ask for help. Why do we have an epidemic aversion to seeking out assistance?

So, let’s explore why YOU refuse to ask for help in working through your personal issues.

  • Do you wonder if it’s even possible to work through them and experience life without your past haunting you?
  • Is it a worthiness issue? Do you question whether or not you deserve to live without your baggage?
  • Do you use your personal issues as a crutch?
  • Are you putting others needs in front of your own? Do someone else’s needs always come first – kids, spouse, significant other, pets, family, job?
  • Do you see asking for help as a sign of weakness?
  • Is it too hard? Does it cost too much money? Does it take too much time?
  • What judgments do you have against others who seek help? Are you afraid they are judging you in a similar fashion?
  • Do you feel that you are beyond help?
  • Does the idea of working through your issues overwhelm you?
  • Are you afraid of being judged by those in a position to help you?
  • Do you doubt whether things can ever change or not?
  • Are you so used to living with your issues that you can’t fathom what life looks like without them?

Ask for help. You won’t regret it.

For the record, it IS possible to work through whatever personal issues you have. I speak from experience, as I’ve worked (and continue to work) on my own issues – plus, this is how I make a living: by helping other people let go of their past and embrace their future.

There are many resources you can access for assistance in working through your personal issues. I can recommend several excellent self-help books, a few online courses, and I am also available for coaching, guidance, and healing. It’s important for you to find someone that you trust, so whether or not you choose me, I encourage you to find someone who resonates with you.

Challenge: Pause to consider each question thoroughly. Contemplate why it is difficult for you to ask for help, especially when it comes to working through personal issues.

Homework: 

  1. Answer each of the questions – you may want to start a journal or a blog to reflect on your journey.
  2. Share your thoughts with us! (Leave a comment, make a post in the Facebook Group, or even shout out on Twitter!)
  3. Think of one issue you’d like to work on and one resource you can access for help with it.

Creative Expression:

- In your own creative way, capture what you feel like when you are too stubborn to ask for help. Make a photo album, or a collage and share with us! (Make sure to post your links and/or use hashtag #butterflymaiden so we can find you to interact with you!)

Extra Credit:

- Schedule a session with a certified life coach or counselor.

Remember that every one of us is working through some kind of personal issue. YOU are worth the time, money, and effort. If you need it, please ask for help.

With mucho a latte of love and respect,

Janet Louise Stephenson signature
Your Transformation Tour Guide

p.s. You are invited to sign up for Transformation Tuesday – thought-provoking posts like this one will show up in your inbox once a week.

It’s smart to ask for help.Choose to ask for help quote from Janet Louise Stephenson

 

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5 Responses

  1. William
    | Reply

    I often fall into the “Are you putting others needs in front of your own? Do someone else’s needs always come first – kids, spouse, significant other, pets, family, job?” category. Even after years, I still struggle with this. Although I know that I need to care for myself in order to help other, I will push myself for my friends to the point that I fail myself.

    Now with all that being say, my close friends see that in me and remind me that I need to take care of myself. Perhaps I should listen to their needs for me to be health and happy.

    • Janet Louise Stephenson
      | Reply

      I believe I can unequivocally say, “Yes, William – you should listen to your friends when they remind you to take care of yourself.” There are just some things we HAVE to do for ourselves – recognizing when we need some downtime, rejuvenation, tenderness, and even when we can use some help. No one else can do these things for us. I’ll try to remind you. :)

  2. Oscar Gonzalez
    | Reply

    Very interesting discussion Janet. I think this is a big cultural problem, and it is mostly US or “North America” based. If you look at developed countries in Europe, and even my home country, Mexico and other latin american countries, this isn’t a problem.

    We as Americans tend to “save face” and don’t want to say or show that we need help because Damn it, we are capable! And so we hide our perceived weaknesses and shortcomings in fear that we’ll be judged. In Mexico for example, we make fun of most of our problems, we make light of it so that we can in a way, talk about them and get them out in the open. It helps us cope and deal with them. Then the next step, to ask for help is easy and natural.

    In the US there’s a lot of don’t ask don’t tell and politically correct discussions about stuff. We have this mentality that euphemisms make the problem go away. Instead I think we should do what the Europeans and Hispanic countries do, get it out in the open, make fun of it and then acknowledge you need help getting through it.

  3. Emily Thomas
    | Reply

    LMAO at our topic for this week Janet! I love that you didn’t mince words at all. Let me just say that I love to do my personal work. I used to focus on other people’s problems and “help” them, meanwhile cleverly avoiding doing my own work. In 2011 I faced my greatest fear; being alone. Once I confronted this fear I knew that I was never alone and that angels, god, the universe, and real people were ALWAYS there to help me with my personal work. All I had to do was swallow my pride, round up my courage, and ask! It is truly amazing what happens when we ask for help and be open to that help in any form it comes in. I chose to read tarot for people as an outlet to help them with their personal work. I truly believe with all my heart there is NOTHING more important than doing our personal work and bringing our shadows to the light. Great topic this week!

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