And whether you are aware of it or not, there is a rather high percentage chance that you blame somebody for something that has affected you dramatically.
But, don’t fret, we aren’t going to delve into a discussion or push you to justify or defend your part in the Blame Game. Nope, we’re going to help you identify the areas you may be inadvertently blaming someone else for something that YOU have the ability to fix – so that you can…. fix it!
For Transformation Tuesday this week, we are combining the usual questions, challenge, homework, creative expression, and extra credit into one big, fat assignment.
Our goal is to identify areas in your life where you have accidentally given away control of your own emotional health. We’ll work on taking your power back and healing issues another time. For now, it’s enough for you to follow through with this week’s assignment.
Quit Playing the Blame Game
Step 1 - Recall a situation that upsets you. (I’m going to assume there is something bothering you currently, but you can do this exercise with anything from your past, as well.)
Step 2 - Try to describe the situation to me – in writing. Fill me in on the details so I know exactly why you are so upset/sad/angry/hurt because of something that someone else has done. (You don’t have to share this with me. Just imagine sharing your feelings with another person.)
Step 3 - Concentrate on the part where you say, “I feel that he/she __________________ and it makes me feel ___________________.”
Step 4 - Replace “he/she” with “I/me” and re-read your statement.
Step 5 - Realize that whatever it is you are experiencing from this traumatic incident, the aspect that you blame on another person is an opportunity for you to look directly in the mirror to see what you are doing to yourself.
Real Life Examples of the Blame Game:
I’m upset because my boyfriend doesn’t pay attention to me anymore. He’s always so busy, it’s like he doesn’t see me. He doesn’t realize that I’m beautiful and that I’m right here.
I’m sick and tired of getting treated like crap by her. She is so disrespectful all the time, calling me names, blaming me for everything. She makes me feel like I’m lower than a speck of dirt.
He lies to me all the time. He always says he will change and that things will get better, but they don’t. They won’t. He knows it hurts me, and he knows that I’ll just stay here letting him treat me this way.”
Let’s revisit these examples now and change the responsible party from ‘them’ to ‘me’.
I am upset because I don’t pay attention to me anymore. I’m always so busy, it’s like I don’t see me. I don’t realize that I’m beautiful and I’m right here.
I am sick and tired of treating myself like crap. I am so disrespectful all the time, calling me names, blaming me for everything. I feel like I’m lower than a speck of dirt.
I lie to me all the time. I always say I will change and that things will get better, but they don’t. They won’t. I know it hurts me, and I know that I’ll just stay here treating myself this way.”
Quitting the Blame Game
Once you recognize how blaming others is really a distraction from facing the pertinent issue, you can then start working on the remedy. When you realize you are upset because you haven’t been paying attention to yourself, that you’ve been so caught up in all the ways that someone else isn’t meeting your needs and expectations, you have the opportunity to address your upset.
Instead of blaming someone else, consider – How are you ignoring your own needs? In what ways have you been inattentive to yourself? How have you been missing that beautiful person in the mirror?
As you complete this exercise, you just might see some steps that you can take immediately in an effort to regain control over your emotional health.