Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?
The subject of authenticity has been heavy on my mind in recent months as I’ve spear-headed the Butterfly Maiden Project to help others discover their version of the real me. The questions “Do you even know how you Hide the REAL You?” sparked an enlightening discussion, and continues to provoke soul searching.
As your Transformation Tour Guide, I want to share what I have learned as I’ve been exploring and revealing the real me. The tidbits below are all taken from journal entries that I have written somewhere along my own journey of transformation.
Perhaps the Real Me Isn’t Always on Display
What strikes me as the most obvious reason why others don’t see the real me – I just might not be sharing the whole shebang. It’s not always easy to put yourself out there, in all my weaknesses and glories. As a Mask Wearer, I have been in the habit of hiding big chunks of who I really am from the rest of the world out of fear that I wouldn’t be accepted, liked, or appreciated.
When I choose to hide myself, out of fear that YOU might judge me, what I am really doing is pre-judging myself before you ever get the chance. So the fact that you can’t see the real me is my fault, it’s my insecurity rearing its ugly head.
Which one is the Real Me?
I’m pretty good at adapting to any situation that I find myself in. I sense what other people expect of me and I, habitually, adjust my attitudes and behavior to make them feel more comfortable. These are leftover habits from my People Pleasing days, and I’m steadily working to let them go.
What is disconcerting about this chameleon-like behavior, is that the person (or people) I am currently with, do not have the opportunity to experience me in my full authenticity, and therefore, never get the chance to know me at a deeper level. Each person knows a different version of “Janet”. I often wonder if these versions are simply snapshots of me at that moment in time, or if they, collectively, could merge to create my WHOLE self. I don’t believe the slivers by themselves are accurate representations of who I really am. And maybe I question whether it’s even possible to get to know me for all my personal complexities and eccentricities.
I aspire to living my life so that there is no question whether or not you know the real me.
The Real Me Revealed
Every week, on Transformation Tuesday, I send an email out with questions that help you to explore who you really are. There’s a blurb from me, with questions, and a few homework assignments. It’s fun, it’s free, and if you really want to start moving toward a more authentic life, it can be deeply transformative.
Exploring and revealing who we really are behind the masks that we wear takes a lot of courage. I say we do it together.
With mucho a latte of love and respect,
Janet,
I agree with you — it’s is difficult to see the *real* authentic you at any one time because, well, it’s a snapshot in time. We are complex creatures — and if we are truly sensitive to others — we adapt to communicate. I don’t think it is possible to be the same in all situations — and in fact, if you were always the same, you’d be very boring, indeed! The idea that you are willing to morph a bit depending on the situation and yet still remain at your core, a kind, sensitive person — means that you are authentically a people person. You are not a statue! You are a living, breathing, constantly evolving human being.
Stress not over being yourself! When you think about it, who else could you be?
Hugs,
Wendy
I agree with you wholeheartedly, Wendy! And thank you for taking the time to read my post!
I have moved through the thought process I was having at the time I wrote those snippets in my journal. I just wanted to share them with others who may have similar experience – either now, or in the future. Thank you for your lovely words of encouragement – I do want to clarify that I am rather fond of being me. Finally.
xo
I agree with this too, sometimes each person or situation brings out a different facet. It’s not necessarily disingenuous but perhaps more appropriate for that given circumstance.
I think this is true for most people:
“Each person knows a different version of “Janet”. I often wonder if these versions are simply snapshots of me at that moment in time, or if they, collectively, could merge to create my WHOLE self.”
Sometimes it is because we are afraid we’ll be judged, but a lot of times we don’t even know the real “me” introspection and analysis of who we are and why we are is a difficult thing to do. But in line with what you said, we must not judge ourselves, let’s give ourselves the chance of being true. Then we have taken a step towards more authenticity.
Oscar, you hit the nail right on the head!
THIS is why I started the Butterfly Maiden Project:
“we must not judge ourselves, let’s give ourselves the chance of being true. Then we have taken a step towards more authenticity.”
And each week, on Transformation Tuesday, my blog post for that day is focused on an area that pushes each of us to look at the mask(s) we wear, why we do it, and how to start revealing more of our true selves. Many hide because they are afraid, and many hide because “a lot of times we don’t even know the real “me”‘.
Thanks for getting ‘me’, Oscar.
It is probably not as important for others to know who the individual is as it is that the individual know who they are. There are some people that we will never understand. They see the world on a different level than we do. Although it may be fun and interesting to try understand these people most of us don’t have that capability. But we can accept them. I think the important thing is to know yourself and to accept yourself.
There are a lot of good reasons not to reveal your true thoughts and aspiration, because people do judge you. It was pointed out in a social media group I belong to that people do business with people like them. And they may not do business with someone who is different. When survival depends on being like others we tend to conform. I believe B.F. Skinner wrote a little about this. On the other hand people do want to know about those they associate with. Therefore you get strategic disclosure of personality. A lot of my insight comes from observing others. I am not strategic, I’m just an introvert. But I have heard someone in the same group say that the only reason for being social is for marketing.
The topic this week of why we refuse to seek out help for personel issues speaks volumes. If you are a light worker you cannot go the normal route of getting help. It seems to me that if you are a lightworker a lightworker must work with you for you to get any real help.