Several years ago, I almost started dating a man who both intrigued and frustrated me. For all of our shared interests, including our perspective of the way the universe works, we struggled to communicate. Sure, you could blame it on his Leo-ness clashing with my Taurus-ness, and you wouldn’t be too far off. Something about the way he condescendingly spoke to me just annoyed me until I wanted to punch him in the face.
But, I was still drawn to him. I saw this clandestine connection as an opportunity for me to grow, as he was the first male I had met (and been attracted to) who could teach me from a metaphysical perspective.
One evening, I had been meditating and I caught a glimpse of myself in a block of ice. A wise woman (who often shows up to give me guidance) specifically instructed me that it was time to let the ice melt, and I understood that I had been protecting my heart, perhaps a bit too fiercely. I was unwilling to be vulnerable to a point that I could let this new friend of mine get very close to me.
I finally understood what he’d been less than eloquently saying to me. Aha! Light bulb moment!
I was so excited to call him and share this insight, and I was certain that he’d be impressed with my ability to find answers to my own issues, and not only receive guidance from my spiritual team, but also heed that guidance. I assumed this would lead to an excellent conversation and we would grow closer because of this experience.
But, I was wrong.
My Expectations Kicked My A$$
I was stunned when he dismissed me matter-of-factly.
My ego took a bit of a hit and I found myself wondering if maybe he just hadn’t heard me. So I repeated myself… this time with a bit more emphasis. When he dismissed me again, I blurted out, “Did you even hear what I said?”
“Yes, I heard you. It’s just not that interesting to me. What you’re going through is old school for me.”
Mr. “Holier-than-thou-and-I’m-not-afraid-to-tell-you” hurt my feelings with his abrupt response. When I got up the courage to express that my feelings were hurt, he said, “I didn’t hurt your feelings, you did. You wanted a certain response from me, and when you didn’t get it, you got angry with me. But that’s your deal, not mine. Look at your own expectations.”
At the time, I was FURIOUS.
How dare he not take responsibility for his behavior toward me?
How did he not recognize the significance of my new insights?
How could he dismiss me so quickly?
How did he not care about my feelings?
It probably won’t surprise you to learn that we didn’t end up spending much time together. We both wanted to, but there was just something about our particular combination of energies that did not work harmoniously together.
It took me awhile to figure out that he was right… as painful as it was for me to admit… He was right: I was upset because he hadn’t responded the way I expected him to.
I didn’t realize this with clarity until I was working with a client and I found myself giving her the same lecture that this “almost boyfriend” had given me.
I heard these words come out of my mouth, “This emotional drama that you are feeling is directly related to how you perceive that he failed to meet your expectations. Let’s be honest, what was your motivation and why wasn’t his genuine reaction enough for you?”
There’s an important lesson to be learned here - We must be mindful of our motivations and our expectations when we are dealing with others. Consider this: the majority of your emotional drama can be cleared up when you are willing to take responsibility for your own reactions.
- Have you ever dealt with someone who was particularly difficult for you? What part of the difficulty was yours?
- Have you been upset at someone for failing to meet your expectations? Or vice versa?
I look forward to a discussion on expectations. Leave a comment below!
With mucho a latte of love and respect,
Your Transformation Tour Guide expectations
p.s. I recently heard this song and it is relevant, so I have to share. My favorite line: Expectations, Go to Hell!
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